Each year when Christmas rolls around I think of a story of about an addict and his recovery. It happened a number of years ago. Life had become about as bad as it could be for this poor fellow. He had reached the point where he had no friends, no meaning in life and was almost a recluse. I think the only relationship he had was with his drug of choice.
He had become so isolated and withdrawn most people assumed he had no feelings and cared for nothing. He was a loner who never participated in any social activities and always kept to himself when he left his job. His life was really dreary, although he did manage to show up for work every day.
It had been assumed that most addicted people have to hit their own bottom before any change is likely. But in recent years we’ve learned about “interventions.” An intervention is when a skilled person and friends of the addict meet with him and “raise the bottom,” through their conversation and confrontation. That is what happened to the addict in this story.
Among other things during his intervention, he was able to review his past and remember long forgotten incidents he experienced within his family. As his story unfolded he shared that his mother died when he was a baby. Our addict’s father knew little about effective parenting and was cold and distant. As soon as the boy was old enough, his father put him in a boarding school. In that climate his disease really took hold. There he developed what today are called “faulty core beliefs” about himself which is often the heart of the addictive process in its early stage.
There are at least three: The first is “I am basically a bad, unworthy person.” The second grows out of the first: “No one would love me as I am.” The third is “My needs are never going to be met.” Chained to these convictions there seemed no reason for him to hope for anything. However, he was a survivor.
As childhood gave way to adolescence he carried two messages that would dominate his life: don’t feel, and work hard. Like all addicts and alcoholics in order to survive the emotional pain of his childhood, my addict friend developed a way of coping with life called “impaired thinking.” It is a distorted view of reality which closes off avenues of self-knowledge and contact with reality.
For the addict everyday examples of impaired thinking are: denial in the face of reality. (I don’t have a drinking or drug problem. It’s all in your head.) As reality is more and more denied, in the addictive process rationalizing, justifying, minimizing and blaming become essential to surviving
. (One more won’t hurt. I work hard and deserve this. It’s only a couple of times a day. She drove me to it.)
We begin to believe our own lies. Lying often becomes second nature even when it is easier to tell the truth.
Addiction of any kind is a progressive disease. What started with faulty core beliefs in his life, led to impaired thinking which created a lot of emotional pain from which he sought relief by acting out the addictive cycle. This, in turn, likely produced guilt and shame which reinforced the faulty core beliefs and the process would start all over again.
Another important part of his intervention was how he came to understand that he was now spiritually bankrupt. He had no relationship with God and due to his disease he had no relationship with anyone else either. Oh, he had colleagues and co workers. He carried on with them the best he could, but his isolation was such there were no real, meaningful human experiences. He was so obsessed with himself and his drug of choice that no one or nothing else really mattered. He shunned friendships and turned his back on helping others if he didn’t get something out of it for himself
As a result of his interventions, my friend became aware of his powerlessness over his drug of choice and began to think how he could trust God, clean house and help others. For the first time in his adult life he was able to feel his loneliness, lack of meaning and inner emptiness. This was especially true when he took a look at his current situation and how he had ignored those who could have been dearest to him
He was shown addiction is a progressive disease and if not arrested in time would kill him. So for him the most important part of his program was how he saw the future. He realized it depends on what we do today. He understood his disease was progressive, and would end in death.
Turning that corner meant life would be different now. As his recovery progressed he began to undergo a profound alteration in his reaction to life. In the program we call it a spiritual awakening. He began reversing the process of acting out the addictive cycle and a lifetime of impaired thinking. He replaced negative spirituality with a positive one.
He began taking an interest in the needs of those around him, and his relatives in particular. It wasn’t always easy, but the results he experienced were worth his willingness to go to any lengths to get well. He began participating in community service programs and reassessing the state of his business. After his recovery, Christmas had a special meaning to him, and it was said of this person he could keep Christmas better than anyone. He became known for his generosity and service to others. Our friend developed meaningful relationships with his colleagues and co workers. He became especially fond of his bookkeeper Bob Cratchett and his little boy Tim. He even saw to it that the boy got a special operation he needed which restored him to normal, healthy living. Mr. Scrooge was able to restore family relations with his nephew, Fred.
That’s right. The addict I’ve been talking about is Ebenezer Scrooge. His is the story of an addict whose life was saved by an intervention. Remember the visit of his deceased partner Jacob Marley? Then there was his treatment. He was visited by three spirits who showed him his past, present and future. Who can forget Scrooge’s spiritual awakening on Christmas morning and his excitement of getting his life back again, whole and sound. No, Ebenezer’s drug of choice was not alcohol but money, so his disease was miserliness not alcoholism. The next time you read the story or see one of its many film versions look for the signs of faulty core beliefs, impaired thinking and addictive acting out. The addictive process can be experienced in many different ways.
Charles Dickens’ classic can be about you and me. All we need to do is change the metaphor. Read it and you will find all the things I described. As the year ends, in thanksgiving for sobriety and recovery for myself and the millions of other recovering people, may I borrow the word’s of Tiny Tim and say, “God Bless us Every One.”
Rev. Canon Andrew Rank was Sunday Pastor at the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California from 1984 to 1992.
