Hello St. Paul’s,
On June 26, 2015 I was in Phoenix, on the last leg of a cross-country trip with my son. We were at a gas station early that morning when my son’s watch beeped with the news that the Supreme Court had decided in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage across the nation. As soon as we had arrived in San Diego that afternoon I went down to the LGBT Center in Hillcrest. It was packed with joyful people. I was especially moved by the patriotism I witnessed, with flags being waved and people sharing that they finally felt like full citizens of this country. As we celebrate the tenth anniversary of that decision this week, and as we anticipate likely challenges to that decision, I have invited some of our married couples to share their reflections.
Mark Patzman
It’s odd recollecting on this anniversary now because it all seems so normal. Recently I’ve done a lot of reflecting on life in the 1980s and 1990s…and recollecting when so many gay men never expected to live past 40 (and unfortunately many didn’t). It’s really pretty stunning just how most of society has openly welcomed same sex marriage. It’s also equally scary how much at risk that feels right now, too.
Bob Leyh
Bill McClain and I were honored to have our wedding at St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral. As you have often stated, “whoever you are, wherever you are, you are welcome at St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral” is really a true statement. We were welcomed with open arms by the clergy and staff and made to feel as part of the Cathedral family. We were proud to profess our love in front of family and friends in God’s presence. As we celebrate the 10th anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court’s Obergefell decision we are reminded how this ruling underscored the commitment to civil rights for all and that love is love.
Joe Luna
Our wedding at St. Paul’s meant a great deal to us, and it meant even more to our families. Seeing St. Paul’s clear support for our commitment to each other helped buttress our families in their support for us.
St. Paul’s Cathedral’s support us in the brick and mortar, Dean and Deacon, prayers and sacrament way of a real wedding was powerful, and helped our families be even more confident in their support for us.
It’s leadership in the best way. And it’s made a big difference among our families and our friends. Knowing that not only are we legally married but we have the support of our Dean and our Cathedral community helps them speak plainly and unapologetically about our marriage to their friends. This ripples out into the community and helps other gay couples that we’re not even aware of.
When people don’t have specific concrete visions of things, they fill the void with their imagination. And as a professor of Joe’s once said: “when people are uncertain or worried, there is nothing as terrible as the unrestrained human imagination”. Our wedding at St Pauls gave our friends and family a concrete example of what support for gay couples making a commitment to each other actually looks like. And with the Cathedral’s help, we were able to show that support is a nurturing powerful force for good.
Mary Welch-Doyle
How wonderful it was to think about marrying Marti as the natural progression of a loving relationship and that a marriage, though phenomenal and amazingly happy for us, is a regular event, albeit a great new chapter, in the lives of many human beings.
I didn’t take it for granted but it also annoyed me that I’d even have to be grateful to a handful of folks in robes who decided it was okay. But I AM grateful to all the other folks who worked so hard to sway public opinion & promote gay marriage rights. They are my heroes.
Susan Forsburg
We were married weeks before Prop8 passed [in November 2008]. I followed the entire lengthy saga with a blog (gaymarriedcalifornian.blogspot.com) starting in 2009, and the endless litigation, starting with California and Prop8, then the 9th circuit, then the Windsor decision that insisted that prior same sex marriages had to be recognized, then finally Obergefell.
The seesaw occupied so much time and energy and emotion that I was angry most of the time, and worn out.
But I still remember weeping when I read these words from the opinion:
“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.”
As I read those compassionate words from the Court, I interpret them to mean that the state has a duty to provide its citizens with structures that strengthen relationships, offer dignity, and promote the common good. That echoes my own feelings about the church’s support for same-sex marriage: we have a responsibility to offer our members a structure for growth in Christ, a rule of life that promotes stable families and a healthy community.
This week we give thanks for the Supreme Court’s decision and for the many couples who have benefited from it in the last decade. We pray for this civil right to be maintained and for love to always have the last word.
Your sister in Christ,
Penny
I was St Paul’s wedding coordinator when the ban was lifted. I remember weeping as I sent same sex couples down the aisle who I knew had committed to each other decades before. But, they wanted to be able to marry in God’s church and have the authority of the People’s government. Now those rights are being threatened again. They must be protected.