This past week (Wednesday November 11th), I celebrated the 2nd anniversary of my Baptism here at St. Paul’s. At the time, it was an inconceivable event in my life that marked me as Christ’s own forever, and set into motion a series of events and experiences that I could never have imagined –
First and foremost, that I would ever be in this pulpit sharing why I love St. Paul’s and how that impacts my choice to be generous!
You see, before coming here, I had been searching for the meaning and purpose of life for awhile. Then one day in 2007 a friend of mine who had been looking for a church — asked if I would be willing to attend St. Paul’s with him. He had recently been released from prison and was looking for some grounding and getting his life back together. At the time I had no interest in church. I had long since come to the conclusion that there was no traditional Christian community that would accept me as I am…A gay man with a past challenged by addiction looking for a chance for “a do over”, an opportunity to make better choices. Besides, I was interested in finding meaning and purpose in life! Why would I— be interested in going to church!?! But I wanted to support my friend, so I said “sure”. We attended on what I later found out was Pentecost Sunday, and from the moment I walked through those doors, as unfamiliar as it was unlikely, I could feel–something was happening.
Having been raised agnostically, I had little concept of faith or God, so I didn’t understand much of what was going on that day. I loved the music, the building was beautiful, and although the meaning was beyond my grasp, I sensed something special was going on inside me.
When I heard the Dean’s welcome and his assurance that there is no such thing as a visitor at St. Paul’s – That everyone is part of the family and welcome to participate fully – I saw my opportunity to take a leap of faith. And what a tremendous leap it was for me to step forward and receive the Eucharist that day. When I received communion, I paused, — felt a sensation wash through me and returned to the pew in tears. I experienced a peaceful joy filled with sorrow, and a touch that could only have come from God.
I didn’t know then that Jesus promised each one of us, that when coming to the table and partaking with community, he would meet us there. It seemed as though in an instant, I understood the meaning of resurrection as my heart (and eyes) opened to the risen Christ. I re-live this precious moment each time I come to the altar rail.
As many of you know, following that first Sunday it didn’t take long for me to dive right in. I found myself volunteering wherever I could, getting involved in any ministry that would have me, and–signing up for every educational series that came along. All in an effort to learn everything that I could about this faith that had so grabbed me and to become a part of this community that had so welcomed me.
When the stewardship campaign came along that year, I found that it would be time to take another leap of faith: I was living modestly at the time (still do!), each month my income seemed to be just enough to get by, unexpected expenses would cause a minor panic. After all financial insecurity had been a way of life for me for as long as I could remember.
So when the subject of pledging came up, I didn’t think they were talking about me. Besides, what could my measly little pledge do? It would be embarrassing!
But when I attended a stewardship reception and I heard Scott talk about giving, not as fundraising, but as a spiritual practice, a spiritual practice no different than worship, prayer and service. That it wasn’t about the amount, so much as it was about it being sacrificial, that it be intentional, and prayerful. That it be meaningful.
Wow! Once again, the Dean’s open invitation had removed my fears and doubts – and I was ready to take another leap of faith.
But how would I pay my pledge?
Well– the stewardship theme this year pretty much sums it up, somehow, with Gods help, I would. And sure enough, it didn’t take long to realize that just as receiving the Eucharist had begun a change in my life, so has the practice of generosity. Through the practice of giving, I have come to understand what it means when we say… All that we have is a gift from God. Through God’s grace, I have come to appreciate all the gifts I’ve been given and through that process; it’s begun a change in my relationship to money. Yes I still live modestly by today’s standards,–but now I live with a newfound sense of abundance: That I am not alone, — that I am loved, — and that God has already given me all that I need to love and serve others.
So, I love St. Paul’s for inviting me in, and opening my eyes to a reality: That each time I step out in generosity, whether of my time or of my money, I can feel God pulling me closer and revealing once again, possibilities– that I never would have imagined.
-Robert Black
Video here
